I got a bit of time over the last two days to indulge in some thinking and wondering, as electricity, never in ample supply in my part of the world anyway (the badlands of western UP, you see!) on good days, tripped the happiness of millions of good people across the country.
Tell you what, taking advantage of the general breakdown, I even managed an entry pass to enter M. Singh’s high-security head and checked with his moving fingers as it wrote a diary in those excruciating few hours. This was when the average Indian in north started doing average things like whining and pining for power starting late Sunday night through to late Monday afternoon, and again through Tuesday, and their average counterparts in east and northeast India shared the aching for light at the end of the bulb on Tuesday.
I present to you, dear reader, excerpts from Singh’s diary as a quarter, followed by half, of India, barring Anna Hazare perhaps, craved, itched and bitched for power:
It’s late Sunday night and sleepless at 7-RCR, I switched on the telly. But was it worth it? Oh no, our athletes in London are doing so well, repeating and reenacting the performance of their elders in the Olympics! Must remember to tell RahulG to enlist them all in Youth Congress. They have true potential to be great leaders and follow my, sorry our, path (note to self: don’t be conceited; SoniaG always says that eats into your latest talent of being farsighted. Must remember to visit the optician next Sunday; this site visit to Kokrajhar must have affected by foresight and insight).
It’s early Monday morning. I got up early because that paper-wallah was relentless; just kept pressing the doorbell. Arrey baba, you have got the paper, fine, keep it outside the door and go about your job. That’s what I do, always quietly, as SoniaG says. But no, that man wouldn’t relent. Finally had to get up and get the papers, made tea and now poring over them and hearing the boring news.
That Anna Hazare is right, I tell you. These media people have gone mad. They are saying there’s no power in Delhi and many other parts of North India. How am I watching TV then? Okay, I will call that gentleman in Ghaziabad who writes for Howzzit to check whether there’s electricity there.
Oh no, something is wrong with the phone. That man barked at me for waking him up. He said he doesn’t read the papers and watch TV news that early. And anyway, he didn’t have power since midnight, he said. So slow, I tell you! Must tell Diggy to enlist him. He would be an asset for us in slow-growth times.
It’s afternoon, and the media people are still saying there’s no power, when I can prove there’s power in all the corridors. Let me ask Manish to be prepared. They would all hound him, poor boy.
It’s evening. Just watched Gagan Narang in Olympics. What a shooter, I tell you. Must tell Diggy to enlist him; we really need a troubleshooter, now that Dada has shifted home to Rashtrapati Bhavan. But other Indians are still doing badly. Will call Maken soon; they should all be promoted.
It’s late night. Just had dinner; I have dinner daily at night. I love doing things routinely, you see. But I will not watch any news channel. They are making allegations against the government. Don’t they understand how hurt SoniaG will be? Must tell Diggy to ensure they don’t get refreshments at my next press conference in 2014. Bad boys and girls. I know there was no power for some hours in many parts of north India — RahulG told me he couldn’t charge his Blackberry in a Dalit village in UP — but what will the people do with power? Haven’t they read Lord Acton? Power corrupts, so Shinde doesn’t give them much power. What is wrong in that?
And why does Team Anna think we cut the Northern Grid on purpose, to stop people from taking trains and the Metro to join him at the fast venue? Don’t they understand Shinde is there, and we don’t need to cut it?
It’s Tuesday afternoon, and the TV people are back where they were yesterday. Again they are screaming there’s no power. That UP’s greed has knocked out the grid. Arrey, even Didi rang up from Kolkata. I thought she would withdraw support over the train tragedy in Andhra. I told her immediately, I didn’t ask Mukul to make any site visit. It’s up to her, like it’s up to SoniaG to tell me what to do and where to go. But she said no, there’s a massive power crisis in Bengal also and she has asked government employees to go home at 3 pm.
She said her ‘maa maati maanush‘ government wants people to go home at 3 to ensure there’s no CPM conspiracy at 6. Though there was no electricity at either 3 or 6 pm, and I couldn’t understand what difference it would make in leaving early if the trains don’t run at either hour, I didn’t tell her that. Mad or what? She might just threaten to pull out of UPA!
It’s Tuesday evening. SoniaG had called a secret meeting, so didn’t tell you, Dear Diary. After thinking long and hard for three minutes, we have decided to promote Shinde from Power to Home ministry. It was unanimously decided that of late no one has been that incompetent, and since we believe in inclusive growth, SoniaG said we must promote him. We all agreed, of course.
It’s Tuesday night, and what a day it was! Just watched that Arnab screaming his guts out over powerless Indians and powerful Shinde. I am it! But I admire Renuka; she talks so much! Everyone was enjoying electricity till the outage occurred. The moment grid failed, they started complaining, she said. How true! Must inform SoniaG that she is a likely candidate for Lok Sabha Speaker the next time around if we can get her a safe seat.
Must also tell PC, now that he is back at the helm of Finance, to get some FDI in sports. Will they supply us players? We also need to check whether we can import some Chinese-born players and make them play for India in the 2016 Olympics. These Games might just make us lose the elections. Hmmm, so much to think about. Now let me go to sleep. Goodnight, dear Diary.