Q: What’s a couch potato’s worst nightmare?
A: Watching 30 minutes of TV without flipping channels.
That’s what happens to people like us when a cricket match is on. And if hubby dearest is a cricket aficionado, then the nightmare is sure to stretch beyond 30 days with him being glued to the set during all matches, including that of Kenya and Netherlands.
I don’t mind watching the Men in Blue do their bit on their days. But really, I have no affection for the other men in some weird colours running around the park after a ball.
I’d rather watch my sleek killer-cum-investigator do his bit on Dexter or Bakhtiyaar Irani having a tiff with Vindu Dara Singh‘s wife on Maa Exchange (a must-watch show for all those women who want to show their men how they are putty in their hands, and for all those men who think that they can run the house without help from their better halves).
Life is such that a couch potato cannot even demand her rights over the TV. “You watch TV all week, all day or night. Why can’t I watch just for a few days when the World Cup is on?” is the reply that I anticipate each time I broach the issue.
What non-regular viewers don’t understand is that TV watching is an art: to store in your mind all that data — show days, timings and to do all your housework around it! Anyway, all couch potatoes know that you absolutely have to watch the shows that you watch. What if Mike Westen proposes to Fee on Burn Notice at 10 pm on Star World and I miss it? It’s unthinkable.
It’s because of some nut like my husband, I missed the finales of both Masterchef Australia and America, and trust you me, I haven’t forgotten.
But at the heart of the matter is the fact that people who watch any sport on TV think that they are doing something noble, so the restriction on excessive remote use — while we, the show watchers are fat, unhealthy jerks who don’t have a life. Like watching super-fit (and hot) men running around on the ground is a statement on their own fitness levels.
Another thought: most non-regular TV watchers have the tendency to doze off after 45 minutes of switching the TV on. But the moment you switch channels, they bark at you as if whatever was playing on TV was a lullaby to lull them to sleep. My father did it and so does my hubby. It’s an insult.
Tomorrow is a big match day (India plays West Indies in the cricket World Cup) and I ain’t holding my breath. Just a promise to my prized remote — I will be back!
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